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New Years Priority

December 31st 2015

New Years is a funny time. Two years ago I was probably very drunk. The great thing about New Years is that you can get as drunk as you want and not have to worry about looking like an idiot in front of your friends. Most likely because they are probably very drunk as well.

So as we move on to this leap year, 2016, the 16th year of the third millennium, feel free to get as drunk as you want with friends and loved ones because that’s what New Years is all about.

I really hope that you were able to go a friend’s house party and not have to dish out $100 bucks at some club so you could drink washed down liquor until 1am. But if you DID, that’s totally cool. I hope that you were with loved ones.  

Either way, please rest assured that all of this is better than being at Times Square. As a foreigner from Argentina, it was always extremely romantic to watch the ball drop on television. I often thought to myself that if I was ever living or even just visiting NYC, I would go watch the New Years Eve Ball descend in person. 

However, after moving to NYC and speaking to friends who have actually gone, I found out that many use diapers. Yes, you read correctly, adult diapers. Since there aren’t any public bathrooms and you have to wait for hours on end, guess where you go when you have to go? And I don’t know about you but when it’s cold outside, I have to go even more. Sad face. Hashtag “getting old”.

So to sum up, get together with friends, get responsibly drunk, celebrate and for goodness sake, stay away from Times Square, unless of course, that’s what you want. I don’t know. It all depends.  


Martin Balaguer



4000 Stickers

4000 Stickers it reads. Four freaking thousand…How is that possible?

I honestly can’t think of 4000 of anything I’d like in my home. And as you can guess, these stickers are for kids. One over-zealous, sticker-frenzied kid.

One kid with 4000 stickers.

I’ll bet her home is lovely.

I’m sure her mom looks at those stickers and says to herself “I’ve always wanted 4,000 shitty stickers on my coffee table. No please put 25 or 125 more. I see an empty space on one of the legs that’s damn near broken”

Giving a kid 4000 stickers is like giving a drum set or a pair of pet rats. It’s a torture gift or a clueless “I don’t have kids yet” torture gift. Either way it induces the parents to imagine themselves punching you in your rested face.

Years ago when my daughter was 2, we took her to Trader Joe's with us to get the classy 2 Buck Chuck. We took her to get wine because we are top notch parents but that’s beside the point.

The clerk gave us a roll of stickers. Like, the whole roll. About 300 stickers. I thought “That was so sweet”.

That heifer was really a no count, evil woman cause those Trader Joe’s stickers covered every surface until one night, halfway thru a glass of shiraz, I bugged out and peeled them all off…took me 2 hours. I said “Fuck these fucking stickers!!!”. My husband thought I had a mental break. From then on I refused to even entertain sticker nonsense.

 That was 2010.

My three year old (circa 2012) thinks stickers are bad for him. Now that’s a lie but I think I still have time on this one and that’s all that counts to me.

Next time you’re invited to the home of those smug-ass friends that became smug-ass parents that go on and on about Little Wolfie’s DJ lessons or Ava’s new gluten free diet, bust out 4000 stickers, give them “Deuces” and be out.

You’ll never be invited back

But then that is the point.


Hollie Harper

They Don't Know Us

So I google “Black women” just to see what pops up. The first three images are of seriously cutie pie, darker skin sistahs and then I get to the links and ...oh lord.
The first is an article about 20 famous white celebrities that married Black women….Um….what?

Oh I get it.

The most relevant Black women are the ones white celebrity dudes find hot enough to wife up? ...Am I supposed to get excited?

Who gives a shit?

Yes, men of other races find us hot, fall in love with us, wife us up…and??

 Are these Black women supposed to be unicorns? Like an 1815 Barnum and Bailey oddity?

Where’s the bearded lady?...Where are the Siamese twins?

Should this really be the FIRST link?

The second article was a Huffington Post article about Black women dying at the hands of the police, starting with Sandra Bland

There’s no joke here, just….Dayum.

Our relationship to white people who feel our heat and…death

Black women are smiles. Black women are hair. Black women are daughters. Black women are education. Black women are fashion. Black women are in EVERY FIELD IN THE WORLD.

Black women….They don't know us. They just don't know us.


Hollie Harper


Smells like Freedom

White musk, patchouli, even Black love but Barack Obama Type Incense? Having the first black president means having ridiculous things tied to the Commander in Chief… like chicken and Halloween costumes. I don’t get mad. I just say “Wow…don’t forget this because we have one more year of what’s safe to say, one of the most interesting periods of American life”….Barack Obama type incense smells like black love incense. But don’t they all smell the same? I wondered what Thomas Jefferson incense smells like……I’m not sure but I think it smells like oppression.

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